LA SUPER LAST SUPPER!

Bureaucrazy.

I won’t be surprised if one of these days a person would run amok because of the craziness of our bureaucratic system. The system is filled with so much red tape, I’m surprised our government buildings are not colored red. The system is so slow, I’m surprised a wormhole in the fabric of time hadn’t opened up and swallowed them yet.

Left: the film's protagonist C: his hunky assistant R: one of the Last Suppers being considered for a corned beef advertisement

Last night I was able to watch the Cinemalaya 5’s Best Picture: the comedic tale of Last Supper No. 3. I would like to place emphasis on how other universities suck, because UP unlike them, has again sponsored the re-showing of these year’s Cinemalaya entries. Hurrah for liberal education! Hurrah for freedom of the UP Film Institute! Hurrah for me being a UP student! Sucks to be you other university students!

Anyway.

Last Supper No. 3 is about the riveting tale of a gay production assistant who loses a measly Last Supper tapestry and the series of unfortunate bureaucratic events which escalated after that. The comic attack of the film on one of the biggest problems of our country is effective and will indeed send you in a laughing fit. But after laughing so hard from all the Murphy’s Law (everything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong) action that is happening in the screen, the movie will make you think: why do we even have this sort of problem?

The bone of contention: Last Supper No.3

The bureaucracy is supposed to bring order by presenting a system which works and functions for the convenience of the people. But oftentimes this is not the case. Long lines, frustrating employees, dilapidated structures, fucked-up justice system, no wonder people are not fans of the prospect of entering a government building.

For what it is worth, the film deserves to win for one important aspect: it provides a refreshing take on an important but already mundanely-perceived subject. Plus Maricel Soriano and Ricky Davao made cameos. Plus it is far better than the dizzying darkness of Engkwentro.

By the way it is based on a true story.

Literally.

BOOZE BONANZA (OR HOW MY LAST SEM HAD ME STONED)

My semester is finally over. Five months of hellish academic work, nagging professors, and backbreaking requirements are now gone (at least for now). Not to mention five months worth of heartaches and crushed crushes. Everything from those five months is now moot and academic. But before we usher in the new semester, let’s look back at how I fared in my 21 units worth of subjects last sem.

But before we get too excited, let me first announce the theme for this sem’s semender review (last sem I did a review with a sexual theme). It’s no secret that I am an alcoholic (Hi, I’m Jean, and I am an alcoholic…AA meeting over), and so this sem’s theme would be entitled: JEAN’S BAR LIST OF BOOZY SUBJECTS, where we group last sem’s hellish courses according to their academic toxicity, alcoholic proof, and booziness (or just plain boo!).

 

Journalism 122 (Publication Design and Layout) – the last major subject in the journalism majors series, the vodka of the bunch. Vodka has got to be my favorite liquor. It can be mixed with almost anything citrusy or be taken on the rock. It has the punch you need without the ugly after taste. J 122 is just like that. I love it. It is my favorite subject this sem. With this subject I was able to do what I love doing best: designing and print layout. From calling cards, to brochures, to newspaper frontpages, and magazine spreads, I have enjoyed each and every shot of this vodka bliss with different mixes. Of course doing your very own website using only HTML handcoding is an experience I will never forget. That experience was like vodka on the rocks, you regret not mixing it with anything because it’s too bitter, but then you realize mixing is not always an option, and all you really need is ice (in this case it was Notepad). I loved the subject, and I would gladly take it again if I would have the chance. Just like vodka, it will never go out of style.

 

Journalism 152 (Public Relations) – I have always been a fan of advertising and not PR, but after taking this course, I think I will also like PR as much as I like advertising. It is like red wine. When you first taste wine, you don’t drink it at once, you smell it first, appreciate its color, then you sip it, then you ask for more. That is exactly how PR went for me. I dabbled in a bit of it, tried to appreciate its intricate paperwork and research, then tried to apply it (“tried” is the operative word, because we didn’t have the time to actually do our own PR events, reporting to a make-believe clientele and doing a PR proposal were all we were able to do). But good wine takes time to mature, and just like my appreciation for PR, I think I would have to wait a little longer or experience a bit more, to truly love it.

 

Journalism 123 (Photojournalism) – my lightest subject this sem. No worries, no hard labor, but when you DO have to do labor…it really IS hard labor. It is like good old beer. When you like to have it, you can easily buy it. You can drink it on the go, and have as many as you want. But there is always the fear of having too many, and growing a beer belly. Photojournalism was just like that, easy, fast, and on the go. But creating a midterm plate and doing a media presentation for your final plate are just two beer bellies hard to ignore. Mind you, those were the only requirements for the course, so I shouldn’t be really complaining…but still. But just like a cheap bucket of six, J123 provided two cheap thrills for me: a DSLR, and being classmates with 2. Oh yeah!

 

Communication Research 101 (Intro to Comm Res) – this is definitely my brandy. It is bitter, it is boring, it is old (and it’s not just the professor either)! I absolutely hate CommRes! It is the cause of my sleepless nights, the root of my aching fingers and blurry vision, and excessive coke intake in the morning. CommRes is supposed to help us out in our thesis writing next year, just like brandy, it is supposed to serve a greater good (in brandy’s case, better blood circulation). But brandy can’t be mixed with anything, it is not a party drink, and I really don’t like the searing aftertaste. I don’t care if a shot of brandy a day is good for your circulation…whatever man! Having to do a thesis proposal is already hard work, but having to do two in a sem for one measly subject, is just insane! Comm Res professors, please hear my call, ComRes is not the only subject we CMC students have to deal with! Bear with us! Argh!

 

Communication 120 (Mass Media Law) – the prof is bitchy, the subject is an ass, but the experience was hellavafun! Though this was one of the subjects which gave me the semblance of being an actual student, because I had to read and really prepare for every meeting lest I suffer the bitchy wrath of the professor, it is fun to watch classmates being bullied and bitched at by the prof. It is just like tequila. Tequila is a great base for mixing cocktails, it is sweet and tender, but just like a true bitch, it can punch you and knock you out if you pour one too many shot glasses. Finishing the exams for this subject was like waiting for the sunrise, tequila sunrise that is. Though you have to pore over dozens of court cases to review, the actual exams are not that hard. Just like true tequila goodness, even if you get bitched at the class (or hangover) is well worth it because you know—deep inside—you are the bigger bitch.

 

Speech 111 (Voice and Diction) – pretending to be a call center agent was never this fun. Learning the correct IPA symbols for transcribing words was confusing at times, but the sessions of speaking in funny English accents are more than enough to cover for the bad times. It is just like lambanog. At first you wouldn’t consider the lowly drink from the coconut because it’s too provincial or cheap, or for the farmers, or whatever association you have with it. But once you realize that there are such things as flavored lambanog (comes in bubblegum, apple, grape, and four seasons), you begin to change your stereotypical views. Speech 111 is not just for Speech majors, it is actually very helpful in speaking internationally (pronounced as innernationally) accepted standard of English. Which means I can now apply for a call center (cenner), and have a higher chance of getting accepted (agzepted). Hahaha!

 

Communication 140 (Mass Media and Society) – the prof is the best (Sir Roland…need I say more?), and so is the rest. I love my classmates (except for two irritating know-it-alls), and I love the reports!! This is the only subject where I was able to connect blood circulation and conglomerates, Christmas and plastics, jologs and ilusyonadang frogs, and desaperacidos and burning ants with a magnifying glass!! I had a super great time reporting with you groupmates! But the final exam for this subject, which accounts for 60% of the final grade, is just plain hell. The subject is like absinthe: illegal in some countries, beloved by all. You want it, you enjoy it, but you’ll hate the hangover the next day. But still, the experience was well worth it.

 

So that was how my last semester went. A little woozy, but not really. A little crazy, but not enough. Sadly I can’t say that I’ll be sober this summer…internship…effing internship. *hic

 

 

WATCH OUT FOR THE WATCHMEN

“I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me.” – Rorschach

Watchmen has got to be my most awaited movie of all time. Ever since I read the graphic novel last December (Ana Tan you have my utmost gratitude for introducing me to this wonderful piece of graphic literature…hayup! Tigas mo ‘tol!) and found out that the movie will be coming out soon, the vision of finally seeing the members of the defunct crime-busting group in live action—living and breathing—never left my mind.

The Watchmen are not your average superheroes. Spiderman, Batman, the Fantastic Four and all the X-men mutants would pale in comparison compared to these guys. They may not have superhuman powers brought about by a radioactive spider, genes, or vat of nuclear waste, but they have the most kick-ass moves and the most awe-inspiring twisted-ness only Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons can provide.

Unlike many print-to-film adaptations, the movie stayed true to the graphic novel for the most part…that is until the end. The alien monster made by the kidnapped artisans was an important element excluded from the ending part. The film made it look like Dr. Manhattan was framed by Ozymandias for the New York catastrophe. Perhaps that creative decision was made to prevent those who haven’t read the novel from being lost in translation. The whole back story of the kidnapped artists was omitted, so it would only make sense that the monster octopus thingy would also be omitted. Besides, the film was already three hours long, no one needs another LOTR wannabe.

For what it is worth, the movie was beautifully made. The opening montage showing juxtaposed scenes of the Minutemen’s demise and the birth of the Watchmen was so beautiful yet still comprehensive. The more controversial issues of gender preference were made more graphic than the novel’s presentation like Ozymandias’ gayness or the Baroness’ lesbianism.

Speaking of graphic, the film was filled to the brim with blatant sexual assertions. Dangling, glowing blue dick anyone? How about a nipple exposure? How about two scenes with nipple exposures (make that three if we will include the nipples in Ozymandias’ costume…disturbingly similar to that Batman and Robin costume…*shivers)? Oh, and was it just me or was that a wooden phallus displayed beside the Comedian’s TV? Even the nose of Richard Nixon looked phallic after seeing all that dangling blue dicks. Then of course there is Silk Spectre and Nite Owl making love like they have never made love inside a floating airship before. Nite Owl’s butt exposure is a scene best shown in ink and paper.

“You continuously refuse to see things from my perspective” – Dr. Manhattan

Some things kind of disappointed me though. The portrayal of Dr. Manhattan lacked power. He was like an atomic bomb missing a few atoms. I mean, what’s up with the high pitched voice man?! Don’t get me started on that Mars scene too. Then there is Ozymandias. Fake German accent, fake nipples, fake hairstyle, need I say more? Thank god Bubastis was fierce. I am happy though that they did Rorschach justice. The swinging CR door was a nice touch to the Big Figure’s excruciating death scene. They even made his face more bearable compared to the novel. His death scene was also magnifique! The bloody snow angel was so iconic.

So that was how Watchmen fared in the silver screen. It was great but not that magnificent. It was cool. Some parts were creepy, but that only adds to the allure Watchmen brings.

DEAR B…

Love has a quota. Out of five people only one will be happy in love. Four will never be truly happy. At least according to Lucas’ theory of love.
I was never a fan of love.
Love hurts. Love is tanga. Love is for the weak.
But it is such a magical concept: one of the better neuro-chemical sensations which our hypothalamus brings about.
And so in this month of broken hearts, single-awareness and capitalistic gain through chocolates, hearts, and cupids, I bring you my first ever Valentine blog!
Reading Ricky Lee’s fictional novel, Para Kay B (O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-ibig ang 4 out of 5 sa Atin), is a far cry from the usual love story read by your maid under her sheets every night. It explores the aches, the pains, the excitement and anticlimactic endings love brings. It explores the love of a memory, forbidden love, the hardship of not knowing how to love, love with the same sex, and of course the ever tragic fatuous love. There is no happy ending, no prince charming, no happily ever after. Just ilusyonadang frogs.

I won’t ruin your day by providing a synopsis of the novel. Read it yourself. It will be worth it. Besides I’m not in the mood of summarizing a book’s worth of concepts. It is a compelling read. Well, at least for me. I don’t usually read books.

Lee’s characters are so real, so surreal, you see them. It is a paradox of reality and literary genius. It is like watching an unfolding telenovela filled with so many twists, turns, and tragic stories, it makes “A Walk to Remember” look like a feel-good movie.

I especially loved Erica’s story, the girl from Maldiaga who doesn’t know how to love. Sandra’s was just plain sad. A certified capital “S”. The other stories were okay, but those two really stuck to the core of my being. Favorite characters are a different side though. I love AJ from Ester’s story. His witty lines and positive outlook provides much needed comic relief. Lucas is a great guy to have in someone’s life…sans the emo-ness regarding Bessie.

To give you a taste of Para Kay B’s artistic genius, I will share some of the more striking quotes the book has to offer:

“For my love transcends boundaries and reaches out to the unloved, the unsure, and the unloving.” – Bessie

“Hindi kita papatulan, dahil ‘yang pekpek mo pakawala! Isa siyang pekpek na me pakpak! Isa kang 100% certified pokpok! Sa tatlong salitang iyan lang masa-summarize ang buong existence mo—pekpek, pakpak, pokpok!” – Ester kay Bessie

“Di man ako kasingganda ng mga Nanay n’yo, di man ako kasingkinis ng mga Ate n’yo, h’wag kayong pakaksiguro dahil isa lang naman ako sa mga pinatuwad ng Tatay at Kuya n’yo!” – AJ

SEMENDER MY ASS

Read the title again. Read it fast enough and you might get a kinky message. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway…

Shit.

That pretty much sums up my whole semester. While everybody else is busy posting fucked-up posts about how well their goddamn sems have been, or how well their sem-ender parties, getaways, drinking sessions, etc. are going, my week in UP only officially ended yesterday.

It’s not because I still have classes or exams, but because of the fact that we were still finishing that accursed J196 documentary. Damn it! Every time I remember that stupid subject, I can’t help but think of evil thoughts (must kill…must strangle…must see blood…oops, see?!)

Let me give you a lowdown on the subjects I had this semester (plus some funny .gif images of what it truly is like to study in UP, shown under applicable subjects):

Econ100.1 (LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP) – In this subject you literally are classmates with people you either love or hate, in any kind of way. I hate the subject for the goddamn exams which are enough to put me in a week-long bout of depression, but I love it for the fact that the one and only Solita “Mareng Winnie” Monsod teaches it. Want more macroeconomic shit? See my related post. My lowest grade so far…sigh

Psych101 (SO NEAR, YET SO FAR) – Psych101 has got to be one of my more enjoyable classes because of the sooooooo gay jokes of our gay professor, the uber fun experiment participation activities, and the bounty of interesting knowledge that is enough to make you feel like a true shrink. Of course there is also the matter of the “interesting” classmate whom I have only talked to once (and that was because said classmate asked me a trivial question), but have persistently stared at. Too bad we won’t see each other anymore *sigh. (Except if said classmate again enrolls in a MassComm subject, or if I happen to chance by the School of Economics…hahaha…*depression)

J192 (BITTERSWEET LOVE) – This is the only Chua class wherein I repeatedly got a grade higher than 1.75!! Hahaha! Studying journalism ethics was never this enjoyable! Some might compare Maam Chua with Sir Luis Teodoro, but she definitely proved that she is more than capable to handle the subject. I wasn’t disappointed in any way. I will definitely miss the intellectual class discussions.

J121 (FAKE ORGASM) - Newsroom management was never this laid back. Though I was enriched with newfound knowledge to some extent, the final project was kind of a letdown. Those panel members were like angry lions tearing at our class newspaper. They were ruthless! It was fun when they were doing it to the other newspaper, but not when they did it to us. It was fun gathering the news, and exercising my power as publisher, but sadly that is as near as I got to the climax. It was all downhill from there. May the powers have mercy on my final grade. Shit. Here come the tears.

J111 (AMAZING FOREPLAY) – Light subject but heavy with writing experience. I definitely enjoyed every minute of feature writing. The best part was having the excuse to interview Niccolo Cosme for my final paper. Too bad the class wrapped-up early (it was the first class I had which ended), we could have been assigned more interesting topics. Amazing foreplay but a very premature release indeed.

Film104 (MULTIPLE ORGASMS) – And for good reason too. This is the only subject in which you get to watch full-length feature films for free, get to cut class without the professor ever being any wiser, and eat while in class. Pure bliss for the easygoing student like me. I’m not sure I learned the intricacies of every film genre though, but what I learned is definitely enough. I just hope my final grade will be as blissful as the class experience.

J196 (LIKE FUCKING ANGELINA JOLIE/BRAD PITT…50 YEARS FROM NOW) - Taking Television Journalism sounds like a great idea at first, but then you realize later on that you’re in deep shit. You begin to realize what a drag it is to create individual news segments without substantial lecture notes from your “very helpful” professor. That your final project, which is an accursed documentary about the state of Muslims in the Philippines, goes down in a whirlwind of smoke, fire, and traces of hardened shit. But there are redeeming factors, after you realize that you are about to fuck old and wizened has-been sex symbols, you realize that they were superstars and are pretty loaded after all. Translation: even if you have a stuck-up classmate with whom you just had WWIII with in the class Y!group, you develop lasting friendships with the greater number of the class.

And so that was how my semester went. Still no romantic involvement, made an enemy that might last until graduation, but still made even more friends. Not bad for five months, if I say so myself. I accomplished a lot.

Now hand me over a bottle of San Mig Light. I am in desperate need of alcohol in my system.

SINNING NEVER FELT THIS GOOD…

ORG OVERLOAD

My pseudo-blogging period finally ends with this new entry. Yeah!

It is frustrating to note that six out of my previous eight entries are all about my organizations in UP. If it isn’t a review of MCO’s events during our week-long celebration, it is about the many plugs PRAdS has for its launching events (which if I may add, are quite successful so far, except for the UPiktiyuran Na! with Smart, which will be moved to another date because of the class suspension due to typhoon Karen).

Having two orgs is hard work, especially if you are juggling 21 units like me. To make my life more miserable, I was under the delusion that I could squeeze in my already tight schedule, the application process of two other UP orgs. Yes, I am a masochist.

In one of my many moments of stupid spontaneity, I tried joining the UP Junior Marketing Association (UP JMA), which is notorious for throwing uber fierce parties, having a ton of members, and providing your resume a bit of respect and glamor at the same time. The operative word is “tried”. I invested a lot for my application process. I know a lot of the members already; I am even friends with some, and I even know an alumna of the org (who pushed me to really join the org). I got no less than the president of the org to become my “guardian”. I went to three of the org’s many required activities. I was also able to complete about 45% of the sigsheet already. Unfortunately, right in the middle of the application process, which is this August, I came to my senses and deferred.

The other org, believe it or not, is the UP In-Christ Thrust for University Students (UP ICTUS), a Christian org which is involved in various community apostolates around UP. I know that mixing myself with such a respectable organization is blasphemous at the very least (like what many of my friends and other orgmates repeatedly says…nyahaha!), but I am genuinely interested in joining the org. Remember my short sojourn at the Gawad Kalinga villages last summer? That experience sparked my interest to initiate change in this world, one step at a time (Jordin Sparks anyone?). Plus I want to earn some brownie points before I die. The prospect of eternally burning in hell is not comforting every time I go to sleep. To make the burden easier to handle, I asked Yna and Luka to join with me. Heck, they need brownie points too!! Nyahaha! Coincidentally, Anthonians from the year after us are also joining the org! It seem like St. Anthony did instill some sort of “goodness” within its alumni…not! Hahahaha!

Anyway, the point of this entry is that I deferred from JMA and not from ICTUS because:

- it seems wrong to forego God for a resuméable org

- the conflicting natures of the two orgs are too much to handle, I’m not schizophrenic after all…maybe not…

- I can still reap the benefits of joining JMA in another way…I am my own party!!

- the idea of becoming a philanthropist is way better than becoming a socialite party-goer…or not!

- if I didn’t have 21 units and two other orgs to worry about, I could manage the demands of JMA (the app process of ICTUS is relatively easier than that of JMA’s, but both orgs app processes are waaaaaaayyyy easier than the orgs in CMC…with a capital E!!)

I just hope that I can pass the app process of ICTUS, or else the point of this entry would go down the drain. Words of advice: do not be a masochist…JOIN UP MCO AND UP PRADS!! Hahahaha!

THE TEN CONYOMANDMENTS

Grabbed this one from fellow MCOer Jedd Hernandez. I plead guilty to almost all of the stuff described below….how many are you guilty of?!

Ten Conyomandments
by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
(taken from TLS-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle , conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you: The Ten Conyomandments.

1.  Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.
ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”
“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”
ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”
“I know right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!
ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!