F THE FUTURE

It’s the last day of the first month of my last year in UP. I am now officially a senior student. Expected to start my thesis, expected to graduate the next semester, expected to be a bachelor of journalism. A lot of expectations. It is funny how I expected these things myself just three years ago. But now, at the last leg of the race, I’m not expecting anything anymore.

As long as I can remember I have always been quite cynical. Expecting the worst scenario, anxious about so many things I believe might go wrong, dreading a train wreck that might never even happen. I guess it’s because I keep fooling myself that it is better to expect the worse so the blow won’t be too hard when it comes (even though the blow might never come).

No. I am not emo. Just jaded and running out of happy thoughts to think about.

Is there really something waiting for me after college? Am I really prepared to leave university life? Will I be able to be part of a field I have envisioned myself to be in since I started college life? I have no frigging idea.

When I was in grade school, I always said there will be high school. When I was in high school, I said college will be the charm. I’m nearing the end of the line, there might not be another chance. Law school is a prospect, but a really far one.

My life is just ebbing away while the lives of others are prospering (bitter much?).

Enough with the goddamn race. Just drag me and be done with it. Whatever comes will be fine I guess.

I’m no stranger to failures.

This is what happens when I listen to Howie Day’s Collide. Bummer.