WATCH OUT FOR THE WATCHMEN

“I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me.” – Rorschach

Watchmen has got to be my most awaited movie of all time. Ever since I read the graphic novel last December (Ana Tan you have my utmost gratitude for introducing me to this wonderful piece of graphic literature…hayup! Tigas mo ‘tol!) and found out that the movie will be coming out soon, the vision of finally seeing the members of the defunct crime-busting group in live action—living and breathing—never left my mind.

The Watchmen are not your average superheroes. Spiderman, Batman, the Fantastic Four and all the X-men mutants would pale in comparison compared to these guys. They may not have superhuman powers brought about by a radioactive spider, genes, or vat of nuclear waste, but they have the most kick-ass moves and the most awe-inspiring twisted-ness only Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons can provide.

Unlike many print-to-film adaptations, the movie stayed true to the graphic novel for the most part…that is until the end. The alien monster made by the kidnapped artisans was an important element excluded from the ending part. The film made it look like Dr. Manhattan was framed by Ozymandias for the New York catastrophe. Perhaps that creative decision was made to prevent those who haven’t read the novel from being lost in translation. The whole back story of the kidnapped artists was omitted, so it would only make sense that the monster octopus thingy would also be omitted. Besides, the film was already three hours long, no one needs another LOTR wannabe.

For what it is worth, the movie was beautifully made. The opening montage showing juxtaposed scenes of the Minutemen’s demise and the birth of the Watchmen was so beautiful yet still comprehensive. The more controversial issues of gender preference were made more graphic than the novel’s presentation like Ozymandias’ gayness or the Baroness’ lesbianism.

Speaking of graphic, the film was filled to the brim with blatant sexual assertions. Dangling, glowing blue dick anyone? How about a nipple exposure? How about two scenes with nipple exposures (make that three if we will include the nipples in Ozymandias’ costume…disturbingly similar to that Batman and Robin costume…*shivers)? Oh, and was it just me or was that a wooden phallus displayed beside the Comedian’s TV? Even the nose of Richard Nixon looked phallic after seeing all that dangling blue dicks. Then of course there is Silk Spectre and Nite Owl making love like they have never made love inside a floating airship before. Nite Owl’s butt exposure is a scene best shown in ink and paper.

“You continuously refuse to see things from my perspective” – Dr. Manhattan

Some things kind of disappointed me though. The portrayal of Dr. Manhattan lacked power. He was like an atomic bomb missing a few atoms. I mean, what’s up with the high pitched voice man?! Don’t get me started on that Mars scene too. Then there is Ozymandias. Fake German accent, fake nipples, fake hairstyle, need I say more? Thank god Bubastis was fierce. I am happy though that they did Rorschach justice. The swinging CR door was a nice touch to the Big Figure’s excruciating death scene. They even made his face more bearable compared to the novel. His death scene was also magnifique! The bloody snow angel was so iconic.

So that was how Watchmen fared in the silver screen. It was great but not that magnificent. It was cool. Some parts were creepy, but that only adds to the allure Watchmen brings.